Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
