He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
