I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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