have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
