he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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