i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
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What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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