ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
