i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
