I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
