Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
