did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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