The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
