why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
