What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
