I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
