You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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