She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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