This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My orgasm happened in two different decades
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
