Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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