New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
