Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
