please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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