So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
