They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
