He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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