My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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