the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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