Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
