i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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