Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
