Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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