it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
