One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
