Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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