I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
