Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
