a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
