VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
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