Can i not drive my cunt home
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
