I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
