Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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