I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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