your room smells of hookers.
And success
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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