He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
