God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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