I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
how drunk are you?
Several
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
