what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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