Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
