Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
