when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
