Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
