i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
