i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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