Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
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just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I pour the whiskey from now on
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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