Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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