your parents love me but you hate me
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
