so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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