I think my fart just growled at me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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