There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
