no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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