sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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