you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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