She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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