im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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