when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
too bad you live with your parents still
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
