There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
