if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
