and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
