Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Found your dick twin last night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
