Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize