ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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