i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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