we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
