too bad you live with your parents still
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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