We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You've changed since you got that strap on
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
