You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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