Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
