how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
