I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
